Well I didn't know whether to post this in current events or not but I guess the mods can decide. This is not a plea for help or anything like that either. I have tried to kill myself twice in the past two years and I was wondering how many other people have contemplated or attempted suicide. I am very interested in the subject and if you feel comfortable enough talking about it I'd be interested in hearing why you have tried/thought about killing yourself and why you have not (didn't).

Certainly thought about it through my teenage years and have various scars but later on in life met someone that made life worth living.

But then I lost that and now I mostly feel hollow, non commital and drifting through life not knowing what to do.

I'll admit that when I was thirteen and fourteen, I was suicidal. It's definitely not one of my prouder moments in life, though I can honestly say that the first time around, the idea that my thoughts were turning that way was a bit frightening. I ended up going to the school counselor every week, though what we talked about I honestly can't remember. Though, I do believe my reasons fell around always feeling alone, unloved, and being the one everyone loved to pick on; middle school is a lot more brutal than people give it credit for.

Second time around was basically the same thing with a different twist: entered a new school full of hardcore Christians that loved stuffing the Bible down my throat. I wasn't the nicest person of course and that did not help matters at all. I had a date set out for the day I wanted to finally "do it", but obviously I never committed to that out of fear.

I honestly have to say what shook me from not killing myself and to stop being such a bloody victim, thus forming a vendetta against victims across the nation, was my uncle's death at the beginning of sophomore year of high school. I just finally woke up and said that I don't want to live this sort of life anymore; there's more to life that I haven't lived yet.

Mind you, that hollow feeling that James mentioned above is just as common now as it was then. It's different than before, but there's definitely a sense of hopelessness and this feeling that I'm just existing in this world, not doing anything else but that.

Blah, long post is long. I need some video games. <<

Hmmm interesting. I get what you mean about Middle School, I honestly think it's worse than high school, though my own high school experience has been good.

Suicide. One touchy subject that;s been the bane of me since my friend died.

Yeah. I have, once. But, I decided that putting up with the bad side of life was worth living through the good side. So, meh. Killing yourself won't do anyone good anyway.

This is a difficult topic for most, I must say. I admire that you've come out about it. Most. . .try to hide the fact they have attempted or even thought about it to others. People can be so judgmental.

Anyway, yes. I have attempted and still do think about it almost daily. I suffer from manic depression, for those who didn't know and life. . .is just a brutal, tiring thing for me. "Why bother anymore?" Is a question one asks oneself over and over again.

My reasons are personal but I shall give a very faint outline; people are. . .Horrible. Bullies are horrible. Nearly everyone I meet is horrible. Bah. Nobody should have to suffer through this crap alone, so if you ever feel the need to harm yourself or kill yourself, remember somebody out there loves you.[Ironic coming from me, ha]

If anyone ever wants to talk or have worries they need to express, PM me and I'll get back to you.

Peprika! wrote:This is a difficult topic for most, I must say. I admire that you've come out about it. Most. . .try to hide the fact they have attempted or even thought about it to others. People can be so judgmental.

Anyway, yes. I have attempted and still do think about it almost daily. I suffer from manic depression, for those who didn't know and life. . .is just a brutal, tiring thing for me. "Why bother anymore?" Is a question one asks oneself over and over again.

My reasons are personal but I shall give a very faint outline; people are. . .Horrible. Bullies are horrible. Nearly everyone I meet is horrible. Bah. Nobody should have to suffer through this crap alone, so if you ever feel the need to harm yourself or kill yourself, remember somebody out there loves you.[Ironic coming from me, ha]

If anyone ever wants to talk or have worries they need to express, PM me and I'll get back to you.

Agreed. This was very helpful even for me, I learned a lot from this post.

keyblade34 wrote:Agreed. This was very helpful even for me, I learned a lot from this post.

Glad I could help.

I would think about suicide every now and then when times would get really rough. But I found myself never able to actually do it. I think it's because I am afraid of dying and I don't want to experience the after life.Kinda freaky when you know the pain is going to hurt.